Love
by REBAiSMYiDOL
Summary: Love is a complication. One not to be ignored. Please read and review! Tell me what you think!


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.

Title: Love.

A/N: Brock is in first person. This came to me during school, and from past experiences, well except for the pregnancy and divorce…oh you get the point! lol. Please read and review.

**Love.**

Why did it have to be so complicated? You'd think after the divorce, it would be easier. But it wasn't. You'd think that after the divorce, you'd learn to the love the person you got pregnant. But it wasn't that way. You couldn't get married and expect to learn and love the person, no matter how kind she was. You have to already be _in love _with the person.

That's how it was with Barbara Jean. Lord knows, she was a nice and bighearted person and for some unusual reason she was fanatically obsessed with Reba.

**Reba.**

Seven years later, and saying her name still sends chills down my spine. If only she knew the way I felt. I tried to tell her once, but I pulled back. I couldn't put her through pain again, that would only hurt me more. But if she did know, our lives would be so different. I just imagine how it would be. I'd walk into the door after a long day at work, and she would be waiting for me, and I'd run up to her, and sweep her off her feet.

**In my dreams.**

Only in my dreams, that would happen. I would go up to her and tell her. But I wouldn't want to ruin her life now. She was finally happy with him. _Him_. I deserve to be him. The way they look at each other. I see something completely different. Something I hadn't seen since our marriage was good. That look in her eyes. The way they sparkled, when she laughed, or when he whispered things in her ears, when every one else was around. Rude much? Who exactly was he?

**Jack Morgan.**

A successful therapist. Can't say he's ugly because he's not. He looked at her with such passion and adoration in his eyes. She returned the looks with the same amount of love. They'd been going out for three years now. I thought that after he told her he was still married, it would be over. I guess I was wrong. I hadn't heard Reba had told him to come back when he was single.

If only that day, I had responded to what she had asked me. "Brock, would it of made a difference if I'd been willing to fight for you?" That questioned repeated itself over and over again in my head. I can't believe I was so stupid. My heart was jumping out my chest, thumping vigorously wanting to scream: YES! YES! But I said "I don't know." Maybe I would have been with Reba now.

**Maybe.**

That's all it would ever be. A maybe. Maybes and What if's. Barbara Jean isn't at fault. I am. I decided to end my marriage with Reba. I made a mistake. I have to live with guilt on my conscience now. I will never be able to love Barbara Jean as much as I love and care for Reba.

**Me.**

God, why did I have to be so stupid? Is it because Reba and I aren't meant to be together? I talked to my therapist about it. He claimed I was still in love with her. You think? Well of course I still love her. But I listened to him anyway.

**Dr. Johnson.**

The guy who's listened to everything I said, since I can't talk to my wife about it. "You can't stop thinking of her, that's how you explained it to me Brock. It's proof of you being in love." That's what he told me. He doesn't understand. Even if he's a Harvard graduate, and trained in this kind of stuff. It never went well. I would talk about her laughter and how her smile lit up a dark room. I talked about how during our first fight of being married, I drove her to Iowa. How we spent six hours in that cornfield searching for that ring she threw out the window. "You love her." he would tell me or sometimes he would say. "You sounded happy together, what went wrong?" That's it I don't know what went wrong.

If only her was my 'wife', not 'ex'. I love Barbara Jean, as the mother of my child. As much as I can't love her enough, I still love Henry, after all he's only an innocent child. I'm not saying I never tried to love Barbara Jean. I did. Marriage counseling, therapist; one after the other. We had to keep on changing because she had crushes on every one of them. Transference? Is that what Dr. Morgan called it? I tried to work on our marriage, paying all these people to help, but she never showed an interest.

Now I know how Reba felt. God it's an awful feeling. If I had only noticed this feeling then. I would want to tell her; I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting her, sorry for leaving her, I'm sorry for everything. But she's happy now. What good would my apology do? She wouldn't even show an interest. Jack's there now. Hugging her, Kissing her and who knows what else. I'm happy she's happy. But part of me longs to be there with her. I haven't seen her in a while till' this day.

Barbara Jean was off somewhere with Henry. I think she said she was going to her father's for the weekend. I'm so happy she didn't drag me along. But then part of me asks, why didn't she ask? She's probably seeing someone else. I can feel it. I don't blame her. She deserves someone who could love her, the way I love Reba.

I saw her today. Reba. I asked her how things were going with Jack. The first conversation I had with her in weeks.

**Flashback.**

"Hey Reba. What's up?" I asked nervously.

_She looked up at me, as her eyes glittered in the sunlight._ "Hey, Brock. I haven't seen you in a while. I'm great, how are you?"

"Good...How's **Jack**?"_I hated asking that question, but I would ask anything just for her to talk to me._

"Oh he's great. We were just inside planning what we wanted to do this weekend. But then he went off to work."

_This weekend? They planned there weekends? _"Oh that's cool, where do you..." _I swallowed hard and realized how close we were. _"plan on going."

"Bowling. He beats me all the time! But this time I'm gunna make him teach me." she smiled.

_God her smile was beautiful. She was beautiful. _"Bowling? I remember we went bowling once." I said stating the obvious.

"Oh yeah, I remember that. But you were worse than Cheyenne, and she was four at the time."

"Yeah, I remember that." I said.

"Brock?"

"Yeah?" I asked.

_She leaned in close to my ear and said_ "Thanks."

"Fo-For...What?" _I said, my heart beating quicker and quicker._

"For being there for me and for everything you have done for me."

"No problem, Reba. Anytime...for you." I added quickly as I started to walk away.

"I love..." she started as my ears shot up waiting for what she had to say. "that cologne on you."

_My cologne? She loves my cologne? _"It's the one you gave me a while ago. I haven't stopped wearing it since."

She smiled and I smiled back. "See you soon Reba Nell." _I said, as I realized I hadn't called her by that in such a long time. The last time I did was when I asked her to marry me._

She looked at me funny, I noticed. But I walked away, towards my house as she walked back into the house.

**End of Flashback.**

I called my mom. Good Old' mom, who had the answers to everything. No matter how much money I paid therapists, mother's always know best. I told her everything. Beginning to End. She told me I loved her.

I called my therapist. Dr. Johnson. I told him everything. Beginning to End. Just like I did with mom. He told me I loved her.

That day, I even called Mike, Terry's brother. The only guy I was closest to. I told him everything, exactly what I did with mom and Dr. Johnson. From the start to the finish. He even told me I loved her.

So do I love her? According to all these witnesses, they claim I do. Love is a complication. One not to be ignored. So that night I walked up to that door. I knocked and she answered. She had been crying. He did something to her, that punk. I could tell. Her eyes a dull shade of gray, her smile no longer smiling. I went up to her and pulled her into a hug and I told her flat out. "I love you." I said to her pouring my heart out as I felt tears roll down my cheek. She looked at me, shocked. I thought she would hit me, tell me I was crazy, but instead she looked into my eyes, and pulled me closer as she whispered in my ear. "I love you too Brock."


End file.
